Swaziland

Originally written on Saturday, 30. August 2008.

The first thing about Swaziland I did not know was if the place was actually a country in it’s own right, or like wales, was just a part of country it is in. Well, Swaziland is a country, its full name being the Kingdom of Swaziland.

Which means of course, that I now have another exotic stamp in my passport. I am always a little sad when I drive around the region known as Europe that, now there are no restrictions on the movements of people or trade, not only do you not get a stamp in the passport, most of the time the possession of a passport is not even required. Try driving from England to Germany through France and Holland and you will see what I mean.

The drive from Johannesburg was much less exciting than I thought it would be. Driving east out of the big city will, eventually take one to the agricultural factory that feeds not only Johannesburg but much of South Africa. It is flat, dull and being August and therefore winter, barren. As far as a drive of interest is concerned, it is possibly one of the dullest four hours I have spent behind the wheel of dull Japanese car.

And it rained.

To alleviate my tedium of the drive I decided to have a fiddle with the radio and did find a station which played a three hour jazz session. Nice. And so onwards.

But what was this approaching in the distance ahead of me ? A hill. Surely this would provide some interest. And such it did. As I had done the clever thing of buy and look at a map before I left the comfy softness of my hotel, I knew that Swaziland was fast approaching.

And such it was. Once I had navigated the customs and immigration into Swaziland, which involved filling in some forms, paying a 50 Rand, circa £3.50, car import tax, I found myself in the mountain country of Swaziland.

My first impression was one of stunning beauty. Swaziland is a small but beautiful country. The main road that takes the drive into the the capital of Mbabane winds its way down the side of a mountain in large and fun sweeping turns. By this time the radio had lost its signal but this was not an issue as I was spending as much time looking sideways at the scenery than I was looking forwards to steer the car and avoid the locals who, as I have since realised, all drive very slowly indeed.

Swazi’s are a very relaxed people and driving fast is something that, frankly, is far too energetic. They are though, as I have also discovered, very polite, and this extends from the car to everything else.

Actually, polite is not quite the right adjective. Friendly is far more accurate. Regular readers of this diatribe will recall that I once described the Malagasy as friendly people and such they are. However, Swazis take friendliness to new limits. They will talk to anybody. They will engage you with a level of sincerity that will make the average American wince with self contemplation. This maybe because of curse, I am English. You knew that I assume ?

I was told that most Swazis probably have not met an actual real life English person, despite the fact that Swaziland was once, like much of Africa, a colony of the Crown. The slightly irritating thing is though, that most people I have met seem to think I am South African with an odd accent.

When at last they do find out where I am from they tell they love England, because we have a Queen a free health care. Amazing. Free health care. This was not the first time I had been told this of course, as a few people in the office had told me that they had heard of the NHS, but was it really true, you could go to the hospital for free ?

The NHS is of course 60 this year and I have to say, as wondrous as it is, I am ashamed to say that I had never really appreciated as much as I do now. The fact that I have been reminded of its greatness three times in the last month does make me feel proud of its achievements and slightly worried that the turnip that we have a Prime Minister will continue to devalue this wonderful institution, in much the same way as the previous cabbage leader did. The irony of course is that it was in fact a Labour government that gave the United Kingdom its National Health Service.

Once more though I find that I am wandering.

So what of Swaziland, the land locked southern African country with a population of just over one millions people.

There were two things I thought I knew about Swaziland, one turned out to be totally wrong and other only vaguely inaccurate. The first was that this was the place where the film Zulu was set, that well known film of plucky English colonials taking a stand against the hordes of barbarians trying to kick out the English and take a tea interval any time they damn well pleased. Actually, the reality was that this battle took place at Rorke’s Drift, which is in what is known as Zulu-Natal province in the south eastern corner of South Africa, just south of Swaziland.

The second thing I knew about Swaziland which was only slightly wrong was that the King of Swaziland has 13 wives. In fact he is up to almost 20. He has just bought another nine BMWs for them to keep them happy. And each has her own palace from which she could, presumably, make wonderful tapestries.

One thing I have found out is that that the number 40 is significant, more so this year than most. First of all, it is the Kings 40th birthday this year, in fact, about now, the end of august. Secondly, the life expectancy of the average Swazi is 40 because, 40% of the population have AIDS.

But more of that in subsequent scribbles.

So what is Swaziland like ? Like South Africa, Swaziland does remind me of England. Actually, it does rather remind me of Yorkshire, most particularly the A64 driving up through the Wolds towards Pickering and the home of the story of Dracula and the port of the Beagle from which Darwin set down his initial thoughts about evolution: Whitby.

Again, it is the little things, like the street sign above, are straight out of the HMSO High Way Code. Obviously the names are a tad different, but for those who know them, they are comfortingly familiar.

The landscape could be described as sweeping rather than distinguished. There are no incredible vistas, no gasps of awe when you sweep around a corner and that is because the topography of the land is more windswept rounded hills rather than the jagged mountain scape of say, northern Indian or southern Germany.

But, none the less, it is still a beautiful country and one that makes driving a relaxing experience, rather than, as in , say, Libya, stressful. In fact the most stressful part of driving here in Swaziland is simply if there will be more cows on the road and if they will move out of the way. In typical Swazi style, the locals will happily sit waiting for ten minutes until the cows finally, slowly, get their big arses out of the way.

So, for the moment, I will leave this here, but there will be more of the Kingdom of Swaziland for further times……

Additional : I’m told that the King actually does have 13 wives, so I’m correct there [wu hoo!!] and the seven new BMW’s were for his fathers widows.